Fryin’ eggs

It’s hot here in New York, folks.

And it made me think of this:

And that makes me thinks of summertime when I was just a wee one, rockin’ out to Golden Oldies tunes in my grandmother’s kitchen while she made pies for my  uncle’s restaurant.

But all that has nothing to do with this poem I wanted to post.

Great Big Fish Bowl
J.C.D. Kerwin

I wake up drowning
because the faucet’s running in my head.
It’s like a fish bowl made of
brick and stone,
and there’s already goldfish
sliding through my ears.
I open my mouth,
but nothing but gurgles
and bubbles escape my lips.
My tongue toys with the idea
of eating flakes for breakfast,
and I can’t help but stare
at my reflection in the glass.
But I’m not made of scales;
I’m made of water,
and I don’t know how to swim.

April, 2011

Well, maybe it does because it’s water-y. I guess I just want to go swimming, danget.

Snow in June.

White Red Refuse
J.C.D. Kerwin

I begin:
unblemished and pristine,
like the first fallen snow
at the end of November.
But soon,
I am dirtied and yellowed,
bloodied from the corpse
of a deer carcass:
forgotten in January.

June, 2012

Head, Meet Wall.

If you’re new here, I want to be a fiction novelist. To get my “foot in the door,” I’ve been submitting short stories and prose to magazines and journals while I’m finishing up my current mss.

I recently sent one to a “big name” sci-fi mags on my list and my story just got rejected. (Whatever. Try another one.) But the way it was rejected is probably one of my top favorites. It just tickles my funny bone! …So much that I want to scream and punch a clown.

The mag lost the response email to me. I knew they had responded because I checked their URL for the status of my story. And it said they had responded. So I had to go ask them for my response. And they were all nice about it. So of course that little annoying voice Hope (that asshole) said “See? They wouldn’t be that nice if you just got rejected…”

But I got the letter anyway and I felt stupid for getting all hopeful because I’m so damn used to rejection letters that I should have just seen it coming. (But the funny thing is, no matter how much you see them coming, rejection letters never get easier to receive…)

Let me recap that whole thing for you: I had to ask for my rejection letter.

It doesn’t get any more stab-you-in-the-heart-kick-you-when-you’re-down than that. Well, yeah it does, but I’ll just wait to write about that one. ‘Cause I’m sure that’s coming. Ha.

Keep on the sunny side, kids. Taste the rainbow. And all that crap. The end.

EDIT:

AND I just got a brand new rejection letter. (I can’t even keep count anymore!)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This is awesome.

No it’s not.

But if I don’t keep laughing, I might start screaming. Or crying. Or punching cute, fuzzy things.

…Well, no, I wouldn’t, really. I’d probably hug them in a corner while listening to Fair to Midland on repeat. Yeah.

And then I Tebow’d on the 15th green.

M and I took the day off to go golfing. Mostly because M really needed a day off and, well, I never take days off. (That’s called dedication! …Or guilt. I haven’t decided which one.)

We’re pretty interesting golfers. And it’s not because we don’t like playing with strangers or hate being rushed. Nahhhh, it’s probably because we’re not very good. But! Watching the two of us play golf is a fantastic way for pros to get their jollies. Although, M is way better at golf than I. It’s pathetic, really. Not because M’s better, but because a golfcourse runs through my grandparents’ backyard and growing up, I had plenty of opportunity to play…Although I did catch a whole lot of nightcrawlers on that golfcourse. That’s gotta count for something.

M looks a lot like this playing golf:

Jerk.

Evidently M even got a birdie, though I did not see it. Suspicious? I think so. (It was actually a pretty epic shot.)

I question the validity of this “birdie.”

And me? Well, I look a lot more like this playing golf:

Those aren’t tears of joy, you know.

I didn’t do all that bad, though. I did rather well the last few holes. My putting is exceptional. And by exceptional, I mean I could kick any eight year old’s ass at a mini-golf birthday extravangza.

And then I inadvertantly Tebow’d picking up my ball. I think it was a sign. I’m not sure what kind of sign. Maybe that I should try a different sport? Or maybe that if Tim Tebow can defy the odds, so can I? Or maybe it’s just that I should tie my shoelaces because I tend to trip over them.

What’s your secret talent?

       Oh, really? Here’s five cents. Now do something awesome.