New Story Published

Hi there, folks. I had a new story published today. Check out my sci-fi western, “The Bounty Hunter,” in Bewildering Stories. Hope you like it! Let me know what you think. This one was a lot of fun to write!

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Flying High

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Hey weberverse,

I’ve got some good news. My short science-fiction-western story, “The Bounty Hunter,” is going to be published in the April-ish edition of the sci-fi magazine, Bewildering Stories. How cool is that!? I’m very excited. I’ve sent some other pieces out, too, and I’ve received one “no,” but am still waiting on others.

Also some cool news. M is going to be designing the covers for my short story collection and The Novel That Will Get Me Published. So once he does that, I am going to self-publish them with Amazon. I’m thinking that’s another spring release. I’m not sure which one I’ll release first…

I’m also on new medicine and it’s working really well and I feel great. 🙂 In general, I feel really uplifted, positive, determined, grounded, and mindful. I know a lot of it is probably the medicine, but I also hope some of it is how much work I’ve been putting into fighting myself and trying hard to practice mindfulness. I’m also proud of myself for sending stories out and working to get my stuff published. Hurray for hard work and positivity!

Up, up, and away!

Ten Spoons of Spinach

Hey weberverse. How have you been? I haven’t been doing well lately. I haven’t been managing well. It has been a hard fall-now-into-winter. My heart longs for spring.

I do have some cool news about writing. I have a new plan on getting published. I am going to self-publish (yes, like every other Joe Schmo) The Novel That Will Get Me Published and I have several ideas on how to market it/myself. I am hoping a pub. company will get wind of it and then I’ll get offered a contract from that point. Hey, it could happen.

I also have a new sci-fi short story I am working on. The idea came from a co-worker, so I’ll be sure to credit her, but her idea is too good not to write down. I’m going to work on that and add it to my sci-fi collection. I’ll probably self-publish that, too. That way, I’ll have a couple different things for people (soon to be fans, I hope) to read.

I have several new ideas for novels, too. I think I mentioned one of them already, but now I’ve come up with another one. So I hope to be starting work on those, too…

M and my psych have been encouraging me to write more. I haven’t actually sat down and written anything in many, many moons. I suppose I can say half of it is because you never want to do anything when you have depression, but then I guess the other half, is I don’t feel I’m good enough so why bother. I think I talked about that before, too. But right now I just want to finish some stories to read them and make myself feel better. That’s the whole idea, right there.

So that’s where I am right now. I hope I can start to manage my illnesses better this year and I hope to write and read a lot more. I guess those are my “resolutions.”

Stay classy, San Diego.

Ignore the Gremlins

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A couple weeks ago I had an opportunity to attend a writing/poetry fair at a local college. Many vendors, authors, and lovers of books and writing attended.

Several panel discussions took place throughout the day and I wanted to attend one of them because mystery author Walter Mosley was going to be speaking. I wanted to hear what he had to say and to possibly get his autograph on my copy of Devil in a Blue Dress.

 Long story short, M and I ended up leaving before the panel discussion. Truth is, I felt very out of place. I later told M it was because I felt like I didn’t belong; it seemed like there were more “relevant” and “creditable” writers there. I felt very small.

M and my psych both told me that it was silly to feel that way, and now I believe they’re right. You shouldn’t feel like you’re any less of a (insert profession or even person here) because a) someone makes you feel that way, b) strange environments, or c) especially because you let your self-doubts get the best of you. I started to doubt myself and my own writing and so I got depressed and nervous.

But, who’s to say I don’t belong there, rubbing shoulders with “the best of them?”

Nobody, that’s who.

So don’t listen to that little gremlin in your head who says you can’t do it and you’ll never match up. Because you can and you do.

Weighing on Me

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Howdy, folks,

Today I’m going to change gears a little bit. My topic is about body self-image and body dysmorphic disorder.

I have very poor self-esteem as far as my body image goes. For some background, I weighed between 110-120 pounds for the majority of my teenage and adult life. I’m a small girl, so this has always been average for me and my personal age and height. Ever since I developed depression and anxiety, and was put on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety, I’ve gained a lot of weight. You might be aware that SSRI’s and anti-psychotic medications are known to be weight-gaining so this is not uncommon. For someone that has always been small, though, this has been very hard for me to overcome/accept. I weighed myself this week and the number scared and depressed me. I’m extremely upset, folks.

I tell you all this to tell you that it is hard to live with the two sides of depression and anxiety. On the one hand, you want to feel better and, along with therapy, medication helps you feel better. But then you have the side-effects from the medication; one of them certainly being weight-gain. What’s the toss-up? Sometimes side-effects just makes you feel more depressed, and then you’re not confident at all.

Sometimes that translates into my writing. If I’m “this fat and ugly,” then I probably really am “this bad” of a writer.

Get what I’m saying?

Well, the good news is that I’m trying to be positive and not think that way.

I’m going to speak with my psych(ologist) about my body-image problems on Wednesday; I’m hoping he’ll have some grains of wisdom for me, or at least just be a lending ear. Maybe he’ll have some advice.

I’ve been talking with M (my husband), too, and he’s going to help me with a new exercise and diet regimen. Since I saw that new number on the scale, I’m more determined than ever to lose weight. I’m cutting out 90% of my alcohol intake, drinking more water daily, exercising daily for 30 minutes, and eating less carbs and more veggies and good grains. (No more of my beloved messy-but-oh-so-yummy veggie burger wraps or tator-tot poutine at the pub down the street! LE SIGH!)

This is my plan and I am excited to start it.

If any of you are feeling down about yourselves, this is something that I have been telling myself: If you don’t like something about yourself, you have the power to change it. Whether that’s weight problems, seeking help for depression, or reaching out for extra help because you’re failing math: you can change what you don’t like.

I know it sounds simple and in reality, it can be hard, but I encourage you to try. You can do it. We can do it.

Stay cool, kids.