Tag Archives: reflection

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17 June, 2025

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determination, published, storyteller

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Standing in My Own Way

Amazon box person sad in the rain

Blelo evwebody.

It is rainy. It is always rainy these days. It does not feel like summer.

And I am doing it again. I am starting to feel like I am not writing enough. I feel like I should be more prolific. I keep beating myself up because I haven’t gotten around to writing those short stories floating around my head, or starting those other novels.

I also feel like I haven’t been published enough to be taken seriously. I looked at my “Published Work” page and although it makes me happy, I feel like it’s “not enough.”

Of course this is all nonsense, but I just want to do this author thing full-time and pump out lots of stuff and have people all over the world read it all and love it. ❤ That would be nice.

What I should do (instead of pouting), is just sit down and write something, gahdammit! The next time I think about one of those short stories, well golly gee, I might as well start writing the damn thing. :o| Makes sense, eh?

No one’s stopping me but me, after all.

Hope summer weather comes soon.

Happy writing,
-J

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4 April, 2025

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determination, self-portrait, storyteller, writing

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In Line with the Best?

Hello! I’m back.

And I’ve been writing furiously! Hurray!

Surprising, isn’t it? In my last post, I said I wasn’t going to think about what other people are doing anymore, and I’m not. So, I finished my space opera novella and I finished my science fiction crime drama. 🙂 I’m very pleased. Now I’m getting ready to publish them both.

I broke down and bought AutoCrit. You know, that really popular editing/critiquing/whatever software many writers use to help them with their work. I wasn’t going to pay for such a thing, but I really want my work to be the best it can be. Well, I used it’s fiction analyzer tool on both my novels and I was shocked, utterly shocked, to see that my overall “score” for both of them was in the percentile: “in line with bestseller expectations.” I was very happy and surprised. (Because I think my writing is shit, remember.) I was floored. Still, I made many edits and took many of the software’s suggestions and improved both works. I am now happy and pleased with both of them. I hope other people will like them.

I am going to move on to writing the first book in my cozy mystery series. 🙂 I also have another crime comedy book I am working on, too. That one has a vampire in it. It’s fun. 🙂 I am quite motivated to write. I am liking this feeling a lot. I am having fun again! ❤

-J

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23 September, 2016

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poetry, self-portrait, storyteller, writing

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Figments in Ibiza

I’d like to say I’m back, but let’s be honest…

Figments in Ibiza
JCD Kerwin

I could have been
in laser lights, magnified
by my own
euphoria.

I could have
measured my worth
by punches,
not by sad songs
echoing late at night.

(And I bet
my PF Flyers would
have worn out long before
the brown
from my eyes.)

I could have been a hero;
Instead, I play pretend:
I make paper beds
and in my head,
these pencil sticks
are cigarettes,
and with these pens,
I slay regrets
like I’m a knight
in forever armor.

But I’m nothing but a dreamer,
and I feel a little weaker
while I keep reaching
in garbage cans
for stars.

I could have been
invincible
if I wanted:
just let go a roar and
watch my breath
move mountains.

I could have been…
but I ended up like this.

(September 2016)

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12 March, 2015

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poetry, self-portrait, storyteller, writing

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Untitled

It came to me in a rush.
It’s probably not even good.

[Untitled]
JCD Kerwin

I’ll stab this pen
a thousand times,
to make my stories
run red with blood.
My heart will look
like a tattered valentine,
but the moon will shine
through its holes
like a billion stars,
ready to dance,
in time,
with your heartbeats.

March, 2015

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2 March, 2015

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poetry, self-portrait, storyteller, writing

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B-Side the Fire

Er, it was a dark day. O_O…

Also, ten billion points to whoever can guess where I got the title of the poem from! I’ll give you a hint, my favorite band is U2. :O

B-Side the Fire
J.C.D. Kerwin

I set the same song on reply.
I glue the button down
with blood and spit and tears
to make the track rerun because
right now (since how long, I can’t recall)
it’s been the only thing keeping me from
falling into vomit I am puking from my heart.
There are no words, just
the same acoustic refrain
as if it sends me far away
from whatever this
is supposed to be.
(“Reality,” they tell me.)

At least in my head,
I can’t get hurt and
I don’t wear a frown
quite as hard
as the PF Flyers
I’ve worn holes in.
I keep running but
I don’t know which way
to chase a daydream.
It’s like trying to catch the moon
at dawn.
I’m told we’re all
a little crazy,
a little sad,
a little weird and a little mad
sometimes.
But all I really am is desperate.
I just want to crack
these goddamn headphones in half
and climb inside the music notes
to find the Neverland I dream about
every time I close my eyes;
to see the faces that aren’t real
to everyone else but me.

I’d like to suck a couple drops
of caffeine nicotine and see
if an imaginary friend will come
skipping out to talk with me.
Perhaps he’ll reflect computer screens
and we’ll recite binary while
people think I’m drunk, but won’t
it be fun when I’m finally gone and free?
Oh how I wish this cord
led to a 4-D world instead of a little red
music box player that made me wonder
of perfectly imperfect impossibilities.

(January 2015)